I have an idea! I’ll write a book! It’ll be hundreds of pages of long, twenties of thousands of words, and it’ll be full of characters, and dialogue, intrigue, and confusion, heartbreak, and emotion, and truly inspiring moments. Every chapter will build towards one single moment, which will make it all worth it. Each chapter will be as affective as an individual work. And all together, they’ll make a whole that’s so much more than the parts that comprise it. It’ll have twists, and turns, and when I’m not sure what to write, I’ll ask God, or I’ll meditate, or I’ll cast a spell, or I’ll ask a friend, or I’ll just sit in the shower for a really long time. I can put whatever in there as long as I find ways to connect it.

I know! I’ll meet a girl, and through her, I'll learn to see the world with new eyes, and the energy she’ll give me can help me write the book, and help me find a way to live, and help take care of me, and through raising her up, I can raise up myself, as well. I can learn her insides and outs, as she learns mine, and we can become new people together. Through being a unit, we can be stronger than we ever would’ve been alone. And any issues we run into can just be opportunities to learn each other more and grow more and trust each other more.

I can find a medicine that heals me, a drug that makes me feel right, that lets me work on things as long as I want, and dulls the pains. It’ll help me to do what I need to do, and help me understand where I need to go. It can give direction to me when I’m directionless, and it can heal old wounds too.

I could find a religion that makes sense to me, finally start praying every day, and meditating too, to deepen my forms of prayer. There would be a community with which I could interact, and I could find a home outside myself by connecting with others who share my beliefs, and we could lift one another up in our struggles, as well as learn from one another the lessons you can’t learn on your own. Everyone would have strengths and weaknesses, but we would all pray together, and as a unit, we could be strong.

I would find a solution to the speed of light barrier, and we’d get rid of connection latency once and for all. I could talk to all my friends around the world and hear them respond as instantly as if they were in the same room as me. And I’d find a way to feel warmth over technology, too. Real, human, physical warmth. It would feel good. We wouldn’t have to be lonely anymore.

I can bring back the people who I don’t see anymore, and we can pick up right where we left off.

I could just write a perfect song, something so simple, and peaceful, but that nobody ever thought of before, and everyone would like it. Even if they wouldn’t listen to it regularly, they’d recognize how special and important it is. It would get used in countless soundtracks, and people wouldn’t be able to agree upon “where it’s from.” Because it would be in so many different things, because of how universal are the feelings it espouses. It would have melodies, and rhythms, and a hook, and a chorus. It would have lyrics.

I should come up with a way to take notes in so much detail that I experience the feelings directly, again, like I did when I first felt them. It wouldn’t take too long to write down, and it would be very accurate. Anyone who read my notes would understand exactly how I felt, and what I was thinking, and why. It would clear a lot of things up. It would sound good when read out loud.

And then I could figure out a way to show people how I really feel. It would sound pretty, and people would get it pretty much immediately, or if they took time with it, they’d figure it out even better. They’d understand things they never would’ve figured out on their own. They’ll see that even the frustration is just care that got a little confused along the way, and they’ll look into my heart and see there’s only love.