Some people are afraid to say I love you, because they’re not sure exactly what it means. I love you means different things to different people, just like everything else you can say. Despite this, I think most people have a general idea of what I love you means. You don’t usually say it to people that you don’t like very much, and if you do, it usually means you’ve known them for a long time. This sort of I love you is said as an affirmation, sometimes as much to the speaker as it is to the receiver, that the speaker is going to keep trying. It’s a determined I love you. You normally say I love you to people you feel close to, or close with. It can be either one. Sometimes, you can love someone without them loving you back. Sometimes you love someone and don’t ever tell them, so you don’t ever know if they love you back. Sometimes, people will say I love you just because they used to mean it, even though they don’t mean it anymore.
I like to say I love you. I like to say I love you early and often. That’s why I have it on the front page of my website (you can go check if you don’t believe me). Even though it means different things to different people, pretty much everyone knows that it means something strong. It’s not hard for me to feel strongly about someone, or something. It’s hard for me to feel small ways. I try to communicate honestly when I say I love you. It feels more dishonest, like a lie of omission, to try to hide it. Sometimes I’ll do things like be very sleepy or not be sober to give myself an excuse to say it.
I don’t feel like the fact that I say I love you to a lot of people cheapens it. My relationship with one person doesn’t tend to have much bearing on my relationship with anyone else, and the love I feel for one person isn’t the love I have for someone else. When I say I love you to different people, I usually mean it in unique ways. I think, to me, saying “I love you” usually holds the idea of everything that I think I truly need to say to someone else.
I love people I’ve never met before. I still love everyone I’ve ever loved before. I love them all in personal ways. I try to find other ways to say I love you, because not everyone can truly hear it and accept it from the three words. I’ll do chores for people, or write poems, or send cards, buy birthday presents, rub backs, scratch hair, ask for a hug even when I’m scared to, text them that I’ve been thinking of them, or just text them anything at all. I love you. I love you I love you I love you.
When I was young, I was taught to love everyone. What luck! It worked perfectly! I don’t think I would ever want it any other way. When I was very young, my mother would always tell me she loved me, many times, and very much, and that she would love me forever, no matter what. I didn’t understand it. I would always ask her, “Would you still love me if I did horrible things?”
And she would say yes. I would ask her, “How do you know if I haven’t done them yet?”
And she would say that I didn’t need to, that she just knew, and nothing could change it. It didn’t make very much sense to me, and I can’t say that I accepted it.
Whatever is in her is in me now, because I love many people that I know I will never stop loving. I like to say I love you early and often because I think it’s the most meaningful out of all the “regular phrases” that you can say, and I think people are scared to say it, sometimes. I love you means so many different things. it means to tell me when you get home, and that I want you to eat and drink water, and it means that I hope you sleep well. It means I want you taken care of and I want to do whatever I can to help with that. I love you means I’m sorry about everything that happened and that I’ll try to make things better for you. I love you is a commitment to care, at least a little bit, for as long as I have this body. If I had to pick one thing to say forever, it would be I love you. It means we’re here together.
I can be scared to say I love you, because I don’t want people to think that I need something from them. It feels good to say I love you, but it feels bad to pressure people. I wish I could say it to everyone, but I don’t always say it, because of that. Here, if you’re reading this, and I ever say I love you and you don’t want to say it back, that’s okay. I’d rather you stay quiet than say it and not mean it.
I had to teach myself how to feel good when I hear I love you. But now it feels warm, like I’m nuzzling up against something. It feels exciting, like I heard a noise. It feels good when people say it to me over the phone. It feels like I’m ready to start crying and to fall asleep.
I met a girl who said I love you in a place, at a time that I never would’ve thought possible. I think it stuck with me, because I realized that if I train myself, I can say it more, and easier. I can trick myself into letting myself. I treat things like this as a responsibility for me, to try to become more like the person I think I should be. So now I say I love you faster. Because it’s true. I love you. I love you I love you I love you.
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