every day i wake up and go check on the rusty pipe to see if it finally burst. the pipe carries slime from our house to the city-center, and from the city-center to our house. they’re different kinds of slime. it would be weird if they were the same kind of slime. it can only move one way at a time, and it changes at the same time as daylight savings. it’s not a very good system.

last time the pipe burst, slime got all over the kitchen floor and my roommates just kind of walked around it but it grossed me out and made it harder for me to cook. i think my roommates just got takeout. i saw them eating slime-burgers and watching northernlion. it’s not the same kind of slime as from the pipes. that would be gross. it’s fast-food slime.

i go into the garage and i check on the cow that keeps our electricity running. she’s really old and her name is maxine, but i call her bessie, because i think that’s what cows are named. the doctors don’t really have a name for what condition i have. they think it’s because i’m from the midwest and you're not suppose to be from there anymore. bessie wants milk, but i can’t give it to her, because milk is too conductive. i pet her and i sing her songs about milk. i think her name is maxine. it’s been a long time since i’ve been in the garage at the same time as somebody who doesn’t also call her bessie.

here is the split of my roommates and what they call our electricity cow

sometimes i see our upstairs neighbors through the communication screen and i wave at them and they wave at me. i wonder if they know my name. im not sure i remembered to tell anybody after i moved in. i’ve been here for about five years. it doesn’t bother me because names are usually pretty unimportant. im not entirely sure what’s important. but it’s probably not names. maybe it’s taking care of bessie.

i like to go into the astrarium to look at the weird dome that has stars painted on it that glow after they've been charged by sunlight. there hasn’t been sunlight for a few months, and the meter to tell how much charge is left on the astrarium is broken, so i only use it for a few minutes at a time, because i don’t have money to pay for the backup oil to refill it if one of my roommates ends up wanting to use the astrarium, and it’s a nighttime month, so i can’t just say “well it’ll probably be ready tomorrow, haha” even though i’d feel like shit if i said that. i try to make the few minutes count, but sometimes i get distracted. that’s okay. the lights are pretty.

the pineapple farm takes a lot of maintenance so im not going to write about it.

sometimes i go into the bathroom just to listen to the shower drip because after you finish showering it leaks for the next 9 hours and when people are at home that means it’s always either on or leaking. i like how it sounds best when it’s been about 4 hours and 45 minutes. i always try to get the exact rhythm but it’s too slow for me to catch a beat. i get tricked every time and it’s funny. if i did a half dexyhydraphide injection that day sometimes i’ll giggle to myself after i get tricked. but i can’t do those more than once every 6.5 days according to some people on Slab.io. my friends tell me i act too much like somebody who goes on Slab.io but they won’t tell me what it means. i love my friends more than anything in the world. i try not do the half dexyhydraphide more than once every 7 days, because it’s easier than remembering 6.5. i think if i did it every 6.5 days, i’d feel like an addict.

the grass started mutating outside again. i think it’s because the next-door neighbor’s koala keeps pissing on our lawn when he takes it for walks. i think we shouldn’t have a lawn, we should do that stuff they talked about on facebook where you have a whole ecosystem that takes care of itself outside your house and it’s really pretty and you don’t put any stuff in it cause there’s all kinds of plants growing. but i bet the koala thing would get in the way. i read on Slab.io that people who walk their koalas either had to buy a fucked-up genetically modified koala that needs to walk every day or its legs are “forever tarnished,” or that you have to give your koalas this like catnip-like koala-nip drug that makes them feel super good and hazy and warm and somehow makes them feel like a white girl on tinder with their absolute need to go for walks. i think the lawn thing is a good idea. calvin just asked the house slack.io if anyone’s checked on maxine in a while because he’s having his partner over in 3 weeks and they’re going to need electricity. i really wasn’t expecting slack to move to a .io, but here we are.


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