Slime X (slime 10): Ennui Go (Say it out loud)

on the street where i live there’s been a weirdly high concentration of wolves lately. i invited some inside but they communicated to me nonverbally that they were uninterested, and then nonverbally thanked me and nonverbally went on their way down the street. my street is longer than i thought things could be, but cars and wolves don’t seem to have any trouble with it, so maybe it’s more of a “me” problem.

i don’t think i’ve slept in about a week straight. at least, that’s what it says on the calendar where i keep track of how much i’ve been sleeping and how many wolves there are on my street. it says there’s a “weirdly high concentration”. i wonder what that’s all about.

some parts of me feel like they’re operating at a deficit, as far as functioning goes, at least. i wonder if there’s a word that means opposite of deficit. i’d use it here to communicate an idea, but the idea would be formed around the word, and then i’d have to check if i believe the idea after i write it. maybe it’s better that i don’t know if there’s a word that means the opposite of deficit. i’m gonna try not to linger on that idea for too long. on to the next sentence!

i’ve been hanging out with my roommate bibby more. sometimes bibby gets mail addressed to her with the name Bibblewifth Lurasidone on it, and i asked her what that was all about, and she said she’s trans and shortened it to bibby so it would sound “less masculine”. i’m not sure if that means it’s her deadname. i know some people don’t mind their birth names too much, or even like getting called them sometimes. i hope it’s not her deadname, because this keyboard doesn’t have a backspace key.

anyways bibby is really into juggling, so sometimes i watch her throw a couple of round things in the air and try to catch them, even if i don’t feel like i have a “solid grasp” on what it means for something to be “round”. i just sort of use the word intuitively and hope people know what i mean. it doesn’t seem to trip up bibby, she just keeps on jugglin.

i wouldn’t call bibby my bestest friend ever, but she does have a distinct advantage in that she lives with me, so she can always sneak into my room and leave traps for me if she wants. sometimes she likes to put caltrops on my floor, but not the kind that really go in your feet, it just feels like they’re going in your feet and you check to see which kind of caltrops it is this time, which is sort of a rush. i like to make her food sometimes because she likes some of the same things as me, so i just make a little extra, and it makes both of us feel good, but i secretly think it makes me feel even better than she does. sometimes i make something i don’t really want just because i think bibby would have some, and she usually does. but even when she doesn’t, i don’t regret it, because i got to feel what it felt like to have a chance to make her happy. i love bibby.

i’ve been trying to hang up all the pictures i’ve taken on the walls in my room, but it’s hard because there’s about thirty five thousand of them in the past couple years alone. i just think so much stuff is cool and should be immortalized in the form of an image, so i tend to collect a lot of them. it can get pretty heavy to carry all these memories around sometimes, but i think it’s worth it to have felt love and pain, so i never delete any of the ones, even the blurry ones. they remind me of what it’s like to want to remember something so badly that you take the picture too fast.