today i tried to go for a walk but it had been two hours and i was still in bed on my ass. i heard someone talking from underneath me and realized i accidentally called 911 and panicked so i hung up, but then they texted me saying the Department of Justice was sending a platoon of crossing guards to my location. i tried to text them back but i was out of texts for the month on my phone plan so i just called. it’s weird that you get unlimited free 911 calls but not unlimited free 911 texts. haha. luckily they knew me on the phone because i have a really recognizable voice. they said the platoon of crossing guards still had to show up because they’re paid on commission.

it seems like hackers did arbitrary code execution on bessie because i went into the garage and her eyes were redder than usual. i just emptied out her stomachs and powered her off for the day, to flush out her cache. i think she’ll feel better with a little less up-time. her stomachs get really full of code, and i can always turn her stomach count down (as long as it’s still a quantity that’s a power of 2) or mute her volume, but it feels inhumane. inbovine? so i usually give her a rest instead even though i think my roommates get more electricity-starved than i do. Alabaster would call me “mind-reading them” like that a “cognitive-distortion”. besides, maybe no electricity will help them read a book or two.

i went to read a new book i rented from BookBuster Book.IO but it was a bad font and paper combination so i kept thinking it was a romance novel even though it was supposed to be a period piece. i got two of the disposable reading monocles from the bathroom. i could replace them later. the monocles showed me that the book was actually a double feature sci-fi novel, about a world where people can only breathe oxygen that’s been breathed by someone else first, so people get really close to each other and breathe out of one another’s mouths, but some people are very lonely and have to use synthetic air, which they breathe for so long that they get uncomfortable when they breathe from other people’s mouths, even though that's what you're supposed to do; and another story in the same universe about a master swordsman who retreats to the mountains to take care of his failing health and is convinced by two much younger protagonists to return because he is their only hope and he's a genius of the sword, then he comes back and fails the final test against a world-destroying demon, and it goes super in depth and introspective about how he feels about wasted time, and how if he had more health or more time to practice he might've been able to save everyone. i didn’t feel like i really “got” either of them but i put the collection as 5 stars on the BookBuster’s website and ReadR.pz because i want my friends to know im reading and i figured it would make the author happy if she saw it.

we found the kitchen. pipe burst. slime EVERYWHERE.

well, the platoon of crossing guards took forever to show up. two of their guys were on a stretcher. the one with the biggest hat, whom i presumed to be the Crossing Master informed me that some of the members of their cadre had been hit by cars because all the crossing guards were busy being in the walking caravan. he then explained to me that a "cadre" is like a group of people. i guess they didn’t take the route that has traffic lights. i would’ve offered them inside, but it was billiards night and our house was full of balls. they just took my $7-remaining-balance Hole Day gift card as a tip and left. i couldn’t tell if they were upset with me but at least they’ll get to be close to some cool food. i think i’m going to disable my phone’s capability to call 911.